Nicolas Slonimsky (April 27, 1894 - December 25, 1995) was a Russian-American composer, conductor, music critic, musician and author.

He was born Nikolai Leonidovich Slonimsky in St Petersburg. His maternal aunt, Isabelle Vengerova, was his first piano teacher. He emigrated to the United States in 1923.

Slonimsky was a great champion of contemporary music. He conducted the world premieres of Edgard Varèse's Ionisation for thirteen percussionists in 1933; of Charles Ives' Three Places in New England in 1931; and various other works.

In 1958, Slonimsky took over the supervision of Baker's Biographical Dictionary of Musicians and worked as head editor until 1992. He also wrote Music Since 1900, a survey of almost every important musical event in the 20th century and The Lexicon of Musical Invective, a compilation of hilariously bad reviews by critics of composers since Beethoven's time. One of his best-known books is the Thesaurus of Scales and Melodic Patterns (ISBN 0-8256-1449-X), which has influenced many jazz musicians and composers (including John Coltrane, composer John Adams and guitarist Buckethead).

During 1986, Slonimsky made frequent Saturday afternoon visits to appear on the Doug Ordunio show, heard over KFAC-FM, Los Angeles. During one of the shows, a crew came out from the New York public television station, WNET, to film the entire show. Portions of this session were included in the "Aging" segment of the PBS Series "The Mind". Slonimsky possessed a sly sense of humor, a trait he would exhibit on the various appearances he made on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Late in life, he became a good friend of Frank Zappa, avant-garde rock guitarist and composer. He died at age 101.

Slonimsky's notable students include Cynthia Tse Kimberlin. He left a superb auto-biography, "Perfect Pitch" (ISBN 0-1931-5155-3), filled with lively anecdotes about a great range of music figures of the 20th century, including his mentor, Serge Koussevitzky, Charles Ives, Henry Cowell, Igor Stravinsky, and many others.

"A supermarket tabloid of classical music criticism."—from the new foreword by Peter Schickele.

A snakeful of critical venom aimed at the composers and the classics of nineteenth- and twentieth-century music. Who wrote advanced cat music? What commonplace theme is very much like Yankee Doodle? Which composer is a scoundrel and a giftless bastard? What opera would His Satanic Majesty turn out? Whose name suggests fierce whiskers stained with vodka? And finally, what third movement begins with a dog howling at midnight, then imitates the regurgitations of the less-refined or lower-middle-class type of water-closet cistern, and ends with the cello reproducing the screech of an ungreased wheelbarrow? For the answers to these and other questions, readers need only consult the "Invecticon" at the back of this inspired book and then turn to the full passage, in all its vituperation. Among the eminent reviewers are George Bernard Shaw, Virgil Thomson, Hans von Bülow, Friedrich Nietzsche, Eduard Hanslick, Olin Downes, Deems Taylor, Paul Rosenfeld, and Oscar Wilde. Itself a classic, this collection of nasty barbs about composers and their works, culled mostly from contemporaneous newspapers and magazines, makes for hilarious reading and belongs on the shelf of everyone who loves—or hates —classical music. With a new foreword by Peter Schickele ("P.D.Q. Bach").