Once I was a sane, levelheaded professional woman. Then I said "yes." Now I am the lunatic bride I always made fun of! What is it about getting married that turns normal people into total freaks? A savvy, riotously funny novel, Diary of a Mad Bride is for anyone who has ever been a bride, is about to become a bride, yearned to be a bride, or suffered the sheer indignity of appearing in public in the world's ugliest bridesmaid dress.... My wedding was starting in less than twenty minutes, and I was stuck in a 7-Eleven parking lot with popcorn kernels wedged in my gums and vanilla ice cream melting on my dress. It was a disaster too large to comprehend. After an agonizing year spent planning my wedding, could it really end like this? The voices chronicling a year of wedding hysteria swirled in my head.... -- My grandmother upon viewing my engagement ring: "What do you mean he gave you an emerald! Diamonds are eternal, emeralds say, maybe five years." -- My future father-in-law on the night of my engagement party: "To a happy marriage and, if necessary, a painless divorce!" -- My best friend, Anita: "Oh, screw congratulations. Of course I'm happy for you. Stephen's a major piece of ass and he's got a sense of humor. Just as long as you're certain this is what you want." Would I survive this day after all....?