Treating Infidelity

出版者:W W Norton & Co Inc

作者:Weeks, Gerald R./ Gambescia, Nancy, Ph.D./ Jenkins, Robert E.

页数:256

出版时间:2003-11

价格:231.00元

装帧:HRD

isbn号码:9780393703887

具体描述

Infidelity is one of the leading presenting problems for couples entering counseling. Confronted with a betrayal of intimacy, the couple’s relationship is in an extremely fragile state; the damage is often irreparable. In these trying circumstances, couples need an effective and confident therapist. Yet, cases of infidelity are notoriously difficult to treat. Therapists often approach this problem with apprehension, uncertainty, and a lack of confidence about what to do. The emotional and intellectual resources of the most skilled practitioner are severely taxed by the needs of the couple in crisis.

In Treating Infidelity , Weeks, Gambescia, and Jenkins provide therapists and counselors with concepts, insights, and therapeutic plans that will allow them to work effectively with couples undergoing a crisis of broken intimacy. The authors address this severe therapeutic challenge with a comprehensive and inter-systematic approach that carefully considers the concerns of the couple, the partners as individuals, and the role of the therapist. Because it is a relationship problem, infidelity requires a flexible clinical regimen combining elements of individual and conjoint therapy within a systemic orientation. The authors have long used just such a regimen in their own clinical work with clients experiencing relational and sexual dysfunctions. Treating Infidelity presents the insights and organization of this successful clinical model, and provides a systematic and powerful way for couples to repair and recover from an affair.

The multifaceted phenomenon of infidelity is explored in rich detail. The authors offer a conceptual framework that accounts for the varied contributing factors, common presentations, and the numerous consequences of infidelity. The heart of the book is concerned with recognizing when a breach in the couple’s agreement about exclusivity has occurred and assisting the couple in achieving the goal of forgiveness. Relying on their novel empirically-based approach, the authors demonstrate how forgiveness can be attained even in the most difficult cases where shame, accusatory suffering, anger, or fear can obstruct resolution. Moreover, Treating Infidelity addresses the conditions necessary for establishing the level and quality of communication that maintains a deep sense of intimacy between partners.

The core of this powerful but flexible clinical approach is the understanding that there are various forms of intimacy (e.g., sexual, emotional, intellectual) and significant variations in what constitutes a breach of intimacy. Today, infidelity constitutes a more expansive category than adultery or extramarital sex. It includes any form of betrayal to the implied or stated contract between couples regarding intimate exclusivity, such as cybersex and other forms of Internet infidelity. In fact, as the contexts, forms, and consequences of infidelity grow more complex, therapists and counselors need the sort of systematic but flexible approach found in Treating Infidelity . The experience and circumstances of infidelity are unique to each couple. The authors demonstrate this necessary flexibility in their approach and convey how therapists must place the personal experience of clients at the center of treatment.

用户评价

这是一本需要被细细品味的著作，它的价值不在于提供快速的“止痛药”，而在于培养持久的“免疫力”。阅读过程中，我感受到作者深厚的专业积累和对人性的深刻理解，这使得书中的论述逻辑严密，论据扎实，完全没有那种“心灵鸡汤”式的空泛。我特别关注到了其中关于“情绪命名”和“情感隔离”的讨论，这部分内容清晰地解释了为什么我们在面对压力时会感到麻木或过度反应。作者通过清晰的层级结构，引导读者从识别表层情绪，逐步深入到探索其背后的核心需求。这本书的语言风格非常成熟、内敛，充满了一种理性的光辉，但同时又不失对人类情感脆弱性的深刻同情。它不是那种读完后让你拍案叫绝，而是读完后让你默默关上扉页，然后深吸一口气，感觉整个世界都清晰了一点的书。它真正做到了“润物细无声”，潜移默化地改变了我的思考习惯和面对挑战的韧性。

说实话，最初我有些担心这本书会过于沉重，毕竟探讨的主题往往涉及到人际关系中最脆弱的部分。然而，这本书以一种出人意料的轻盈感打破了我的顾虑。它不是一本“贩卖焦虑”的书，而是一本“赋能”的书籍。作者的观点非常现代和前沿，她没有将情感问题简单地归咎于任何一方的“错误”，而是将焦点放在了“系统”的动态变化上。我非常欣赏书中对“共依赖模式”的剖析，那段描述简直就像是为我过去的行为模式写了一份精准的传记。通过这种深入的剖析，我开始意识到，很多时候我们陷入困境，是因为我们没有清晰地认识到自己在这个互动模式中所扮演的角色。这本书最大的贡献在于，它提供了一种更具批判性、但也更具建设性的视角来看待复杂的人际互动。它提醒我们，成长是一个持续的过程，而不是一个终点，这种持续赋能的感觉，让这本书在我的书架上拥有了独特的地位。

这本书的叙事节奏掌握得炉火纯青，它没有试图用快速、激进的方式来“解决”问题，而是鼓励一种缓慢、深沉的内省过程。这对于处理深层的情感创伤来说至关重要，因为很多问题不是一蹴而就就能解决的，需要时间来消化和整合。我发现作者在阐述一些复杂的心理概念时，总是非常克制和精准，从不使用夸张的词汇来煽动情绪。这种冷静而又充满同理心的语调，反而更有力量。书中关于“边界设置”和“自我对话”的章节对我触动特别深。它清晰地指出了，在经历重大情感冲击后，我们往往最先丢失的就是对自己和他人的清晰认知。作者提供的练习和反思问题非常具有实践性，它们不是那种敷衍了事的“问问自己”，而是真正能让你停下来，深入挖掘潜意识里那些被压抑的信念系统的工具。这本书的厚度恰到好处，内容丰富但绝不拖沓，每一个章节都像是在为接下来的深入探讨铺路，整体阅读体验是一次由浅入深、层层递进的心灵旅程。

这本书简直是心理自助领域的清流，读起来毫不费力，作者的笔触非常细腻，对人性的洞察力简直令人惊叹。我之前尝试过好几本关于“如何修复关系”的书，但它们往往流于空泛的理论或者过于理想化的建议，让人感觉遥不可及。而这本却完全不同，它没有直接给出“标准答案”，而是引导你去探索问题背后的根源。我特别欣赏作者处理那些敏感话题时的那种尊重和不带评判的态度，读完之后，我感觉自己被理解了，而不是被指责了。它更像是一个经验丰富的导师在旁边轻声细语地和你交谈，告诉你：“没关系，我们一步一步来。” 书中穿插的案例分析非常真实，那种描述挣扎、迷茫和最终寻求突破的心路历程，让我找到了很多共鸣。那种从迷雾中慢慢找到方向的感觉，是这本书带给我最宝贵的礼物。它教会我，真正的疗愈不是试图忘记过去，而是学会带着伤口更好地前行，并重建内心深处的安全感和自我价值感。这绝对是一本值得反复阅读，并且在不同人生阶段都能从中汲取力量的佳作。

我必须说，这本书的结构安排简直是教科书级别的精妙。它不是那种上来就抛出重磅炸弹让你应接不暇的类型，而是像一个技艺高超的园丁，耐心修剪、培土、引水。开篇部分奠定了一种非常坚实的情感基础，让读者能够安全地进入一个通常充满防御和痛苦的讨论空间。接着，作者运用了大量的比喻和类比，将那些晦涩难懂的心理学术语转化成了日常生活中随处可见的场景，这一点对于非专业读者来说极其友好。我尤其喜欢其中关于“叙事重构”的那一章，它提供了一套全新的框架去审视自己过去所经历的一切，这不仅仅是关于“事件本身”，更是关于我们如何选择去讲述这个故事。读完这一部分，我感觉自己拿回了对自己生活掌控权的一部分。语言风格上，作者在保持学术严谨性的同时，又充满了人文关怀的温度，读起来既有收获知识的充实感，又不至于感到枯燥乏味。它更像是一场思维的深度对话，而不是单向的灌输。这本书的价值在于，它提供的工具是通用的，适用于处理人生中所有重大的情感创伤。