Talking to Babies

出版者:Houghton Mifflin

作者:Szejer, Myriam

页数:272

出版时间:2005-8

价格:195.00元

装帧:HRD

isbn号码:9780807021149

具体描述

Myriam Szejer talks to newborns. For over a decade she has worked in the maternity ward of a hospital outside Paris. Called in by hospital staff when a baby or its parents are suffering, Szejer uses the psychoanalytic techniques of careful listening and talking to reach failure-to-thrive and other suffering newborns and reverse their conditions. Talking to Babies is the story of her important work.

Having psychologists or psychiatrists available to new mothers on maternity wards is not unusual. But having a psychoanalyst available who also talks to newborns is completely revolutionary. Szejer has pioneered her unique approach to treating struggling infants through years of study and apprenticeship. And in Talking to Babies she describes in thoughtful and convincing detail the theory of her practice and how her interventions work, illustrating with the moving stories of the numerous infants she has helped.

In the very first days of a baby's life, the newborn, still struggling between birth and its entry into our world, already needs words. By "needing words," Szejer means that infants need to be talked to about the specific situations into which they are born. They need to hear about their mothers, fathers, siblings, and caretakers, but they also need to hear about problematic aspects of their histories, such as the death of a twin sibling or the death of a baby before them. These words must be spoken to the baby in the presence of his or her mother and father if at all possible. Such speech helps everyone-newborn and parents-to find their places in the altered world created by the birth. When such words are not present, physical symptoms and illness may emerge.

Talking to Babies is the first book to show how the "talking cure" can help infants and their parents. Post-partum depression in mothers, failure-to-thrive in babies-these problems might be approached quite differently if maternity wards incorporated some of Szejer's practices. High-tech interventions are all too common in American maternity wards; Talking to Babies offers a more humane route for restoring health.

Preface:

"Sometimes, as I am leaving the hospital late at night, I stop to look in on a patient who has recently given birth. And often, as I open the door, I catch a special moment: the new mother leaning over the crib, or more often face to face with the newborn on her lap, looking intently at him and murmuring motherly words . . . In a maternity ward, however, everything is not always so rosy. Birth is sometimes accompanied by suffering, a suffering too rarely perceived in our Western societies . . . When I met Myriam Szejer, an unknown field opened to me: the reality of the newborn's preverbal behavior. Szejer dares psychoanalyze newborns, dares talk to them, dares intervene before the symptom has taken root, particularly in dangerous situations . . . Her approach ought to become known to all who make perinatal medicine their career. Her approach is innovative. What woman has not been shaken to her very being by becoming a mother; what man has not trembled at becoming a father? Babies feel that profound apprehensiveness. They need to be listened to, which is a form of respect." --from the Preface by René Frydman, M.D.

用户评价

我向来对市面上那些过度美化育儿过程的书籍持保留态度，总觉得它们脱离了现实的泥泞。然而，这本读物却展现出一种罕见的、近乎残酷的诚实，正是这份诚实，让它在我心中占据了极高的地位。它没有贩卖“完美育儿”的幻觉，而是直接摊开了育儿是一场马拉松，而非百米冲刺的真相。我记得其中一章专门讨论了睡眠倒退（Sleep Regression），那段描述简直是教科书级别的精准，把那种半夜被惊醒，看着小人儿哭得撕心裂肺，而自己大脑一片空白的无力感刻画得淋漓尽致。作者不仅描述了问题，更重要的是，她提供了一系列基于科学但又极其务实的应对策略，这些策略不是一刀切的公式，而是可以根据宝宝的个体差异灵活调整的“工具箱”。书中对不同月龄宝宝的认知发展阶段的梳理也非常到位，让我对那些突如其来的“大动作”或“语言爆发”有了合理的预期。它教会了我，育儿不是去“修复”一个有缺陷的个体，而是去“支持”一个正在快速成长的生命体，这种视角上的转变，对我的精神状态产生了巨大的积极影响。

这本书的排版和语言风格，与我以往接触的育儿指南截然不同，它读起来更像是一本深入的儿童发展心理学入门读物，但又保持了极高的可操作性。我尤其欣赏作者在引用研究数据时所采取的平衡态度，既肯定了科学研究的价值，又时刻提醒读者，每一个宝宝都是一个独特的宇宙。比如，书中关于“依恋关系”的探讨，不仅停留在理论层面，更通过生动的案例展示了如何在高压环境下维持高质量的联结。我记得有一个例子是关于父母一方因工作原因需要长期出差，书中提供的具体沟通技巧，帮助我提前准备如何安抚即将面临分离焦虑的宝宝。这种前瞻性的指导，比事后补救要有效得多。此外，书中对“安全依恋”的论述，并非要求父母牺牲自我去满足孩子的一切需求，反而鼓励父母建立健康的自我边界，因为一个心力交瘁的父母无法提供稳定的情感支持。这种关注到父母福祉的视角，让这本书的价值远远超出了单纯的育儿技巧手册的范畴。

这本书简直是为新手父母量身定做的，我拿到手就爱不释手。它没有那种高高在上、充满术语的育儿经那种架子，反而像一个经验丰富、知根知底的朋友坐在你对面，跟你娓娓道来。我尤其欣赏作者在描述新生儿行为模式时的那种细致入微，简直就像是从我自己的育儿日记里抄出来的。比如，书中对宝宝“假性哭闹”和“真饿哭”的区分，简直是我的救星！以前我总是手忙脚乱，一听到声音就喂，结果搞得宝宝和我都筋疲力尽。这本书提供了一套清晰的观察框架，让我学会了真正“阅读”我的宝宝发出的信号，而不是被动地做出反应。更重要的是，它强调了父母的情绪管理，这一点在其他育儿书中很少被如此深入地探讨。作者坦诚地分享了自己育儿过程中的挣扎和自我怀疑，这种真实感让人倍感亲切和慰藉。它让我明白，偶尔感到不知所措是完全正常的，关键在于如何带着觉察去应对。这本书给我最大的收获是建立了一种更从容、更有信心的育儿心态，不再是战战兢兢地执行任务，而是真正享受和宝宝互动的每一刻。

如果说市面上的育儿书是在教你如何“饲养”一个婴儿，那么这本书更像是在引导你如何“认识”一个正在萌芽的灵魂。我最欣赏的是它对“玩耍”在早期发展中的核心地位的强调。作者详尽地阐述了不同阶段的玩耍类型——从感官探索到象征性游戏——并提供了大量低成本、高互动的游戏建议，完全不需要那些昂贵且容易被束之高阁的益智玩具。比如，仅仅用一个纸箱和几条丝巾，就能激发出多少想象力的火花，这些场景在书中被描述得栩栩如生。更难能可贵的是，书中提出了“让宝宝主导游戏节奏”的重要性，这与我们许多成人习惯于设置目标、追求效率的思维模式形成了鲜明对比。它让我放慢了脚步，学会了如何“无聊地等待”，等待宝宝自己发现乐趣。这种对“慢下来”的哲学性倡导，在如今这个快节奏的社会中，显得尤为珍贵和稀缺。这本书真正地提升了育儿的质量，使其从一项任务变成了一种充满探索乐趣的艺术创作。

我花了很长时间才找到一本能够真正深入探讨“非指令性沟通”的育儿书籍，而这本恰好满足了我的期待。它没有强迫读者接受任何固定的教条，而是通过一系列发人深省的提问，引导我们反思自己习以为常的互动模式。例如，关于“为什么我们总想立刻停止宝宝的负面情绪”的讨论，让我猛然意识到，很多时候我们打断孩子哭泣，只是为了缓解我们自己内心的不安，而不是真正地在倾听孩子。书中提出的“情绪命名”技巧，简单却异常强大，它教会我如何用平静的语言来描述宝宝正在经历的情感，从而帮助他们建立情绪的词汇库。这种对“共情”和“接纳”的深入剖析，让我对亲子冲突的处理方式发生了根本性的改变。冲突不再是需要被迅速压制的“战争”，而是深入了解彼此需求和界限的“对话机会”。这本书的价值在于，它不仅教你如何与宝宝相处，更重要的是，它塑造了你如何看待“人与人之间关系”的基本框架，非常深刻。