Some people have a satisfactory theory about life. They understand why they are
alive and why there is evil and suffering in the world. They talk easily about love
and hate, freedom, pain, death. They seem to know what behavior is good and
what is bad.
Others, like myself, have no consistent theory to make life clear. We experience life
rather than theorizing about it or trying to understand it. For us life is its own
explanation. We may adopt a style of living for a time, then radically change it. We
may adhere to some belief, then later dismiss it. Our critics see us as unstable,
even selfish. Our friends accept us without needing explanation.
Thus, for us life is not a preparation or even an unfolding awareness. It is simply
life--with sunshine days and foggy nights. It does not require interpretation. We feel
the sun warm on our face and it says all that needs to be said. We wander through
the fog and it speaks to us all by itself.
This is not to say that life is not at times paradoxical and mysterious, or painful
and opaque. It is simply to say that increasingly we do not define life or direct its
course. We more or less stand back and let it happen. It is not that we never strive
Rather, we are not as conscious of striving.
Great changes have taken place in my life, but they were not the changes I
anticipated. They were the changes I permitted to happen. The changes that I
wanted most earnestly actually occurred when somehow l ceased wanting them. I
have learned that my distractions are usually more creative than my resolutions.
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