DREAMS had beckoned before. Gentle dreams that would<br >teal away my life. It was four years earlier， and by fate or<br >~ck or those small details of chance that set the course of a<br >lan s life， I was conscious.<br >"Hold on. Hold on. Stay awake，" they said.<br >Someone said it as they pulled me from the car in which I<br >~d hitched a ride. It was spring and I was on my way home<br >3m my first year of college. It was raining and the car skidded<br >:the road and plunged down an embankment. It s funny<br >lat you think about at a time like that. As the car slid toward<br >-~ embankment， all I could think of was that it was going<br >be a pain in the ass to lug my suitcase back up that wet<br >ak. I could see myself slipping and sliding trying to get up<br >t hill. My footing would fail and I would have to dig a knee<br >I hand into the mud to keep from sliding all the way back<br >vn. I even got angry thinking about having to stand beside<br >road trying to hitch another ride in the rain with a muddy<br >d and two muddy knees.<br >here was the sound of glass breaking and metal tearing<br >then an eerie silence and the smell of fresh-plowed earth<br > and gas. It takes a moment for orientation to come.<br > a moment for pain to come. I had never lain in the<br > car with the back of the front seat slowly swaying a[<br > before， so it took a moment to realize where I was al<br > everything was. I started to reach for the swaying s<br > something exploded in my back. My vision faded az<br > came back. Pain， unspeakable pain， knifed into my b~<br > shoulders. I tried to pull my shoulders back， to pinch m<br > der blades together and squeeze away the pain， but ml<br > ders wouldn t move. I tried to reach for the seat ag;<br > arms wouldn t move. I had broken both shoulders. Jesus<br > there goes the summer. Both arms in casts. The pain wa<br > ing at my back， tearing and burning. Maybe I was ly<br > something sharp and it was being pressed deeper and，<br > into me. I could roll off it if I used my legs. But I had<br > careful. I had to be sure I rolled and didn t slide forw<br > I pushed myself forward it would cut me open. I had tc<br > my legs up and push to one side. But my legs wouldn t<br > They couldn t be broken. Broken legs hurt. I couldn t fec<br > thing but the pain in my back. I couldn t really feel m~<br > I d feel them if they were broken. Maybe they were p<br > under something. The suitcase? No， not the suitcase.<br > too strong for that. The driver? The driver was lying o<br > legs. What s his name? What the hell s his name? He tol<br > when he picked me up but I wasn t listening. I just w:<br > out of the rain. I never listen to people s names. I m a]<br > thinking of what to say and I never hear their names.<br > Hey you， I said， only no sound came. My mouth movec<br >no sound came. I wasn t breathing. Oh， God， I wasn t breati<br >I panicked. I started to scream and run， only I couldn t scl<br >and I couldn t run. I was so scared I couldn t think.<br ><br >