In this thoroughly entertaining collection of acerbic put-downs, witty one-liners, blatantly honest appraisals of terrified contestants, and even catty comments on his fellow judges, the controversial big mouth speaks on subjects as diverse as music, dance, show business, political correctness, romance, fashion, himself, and his trousers. Whether he's telling a naive hopeful that they sound like a kitten mewing, they look as if they've been dragged through a bush or are merely pleasant, safe and a little insipid, Cowell's trademark comebacks are collected here for the first time. Covering the early years with insults to his family and schoolteachers, the jibes to first bosses at work, then the sharp retorts to aspiring stars on television and his critiques of the rich and famous, this book gathers his most well-known lines - and plenty of long-forgotten ones, too! With quotes from his admirers and enemies, and a section on how to speak fluent vitriol like the master, this is the ultimate handbook for getting ahead.