Like a great many women， I am a product of a culture that says thin is<br >better， blond is beautiful and buxom is best.<br > From as early as I can remember， my mother， her friends， my grand-<br >mother， governesses， my sister--all the women who surrounded me-~<br >talked anxiously about the pros and cons of their physiques. Hefty<br >thighs， small breasts， a biggish bottom--there was always some per-<br >ceived imperfection to focus anxieties on. None of them seemed happy<br >the way they were， which bewildered me because the way they were<br >seemed fine to my young eyes.<br > In pursuit of the "feminine ideal"-~exemplified by voluptuous film<br >stars and skinny fashion models--women， it seemed， were even pre-<br >pared to do violence to themselves. My mother， for example， who was a<br >rather slender， beautiful woman， was terrified of getting fat. She once<br >said that if she ever gained weight she d have the excess flesh cut off! I<br >remember a friend of hers talking about being injected with the urine of<br >pregnant cows， which was reputed to make fat dissolve.<br > Maybe I simply wasn t privy to their more intimate conversations， but<br >I don t remember the men in my life being as concerned about how they<br >looked. Not with the same angst at any rate. If anything， they seemed<br >more interested in performance: making the team， doing the job， being<br >brave. The message that came across was clear: men were judged by<br >their accomplishments， women by their looks.<br > Like many young girls， I internalized this message and， in an effort to<br >conform to the sought-after female image， I abused my health， starved<br >my body， and ingested heaven-knows-what chemical drugs. I under-<br >stood very little about how my body functioned， and what it needed to<br > be healthy and strong. I depended on doctors to cure me， but never re-<br > lied on myself to stay well.<br > It wasn t until I was thirty， and pregnant for the first time， that I began<br > to change the way I treated myself. As the baby grew inside me， I began<br > to realize my body needed to be listened to and strengthened， not ig-<br > nored and weakened. I discovered that with common sense， a bit of<br >